Fighting Discouragement-

I had an experience that requires sharing because, I believe, others probably struggle with the same thing at times. Six years I have been married and six years I have fought feelings of not being worthy. I worried that I had past struggles and sins that I needed to repent of and as such was not worthy of the Holy Ghost.

I would read my scriptures, pray, and have sweet times with my little family and along would come dark feelings that made me think that I did not deserve these joys in life because of my choices I had made in the past.

Finally in the past few months I decided that it was time for me to face up to these feelings and figure out what I needed to do about them.

Last Fast Sunday I was praying and fasting (as much as you can fast when nursing a baby) about the situation. Sundays are crazy in my world. Josh is up on the stand, we sit with a couple of friends and it's wild. I am emotionally and physically tired after Sacrament Meeting. Anyway, I am sitting there amidst the madness and it comes to me to talk to Josh about these feelings that I have been having. I felt peace about this answer but at the same time I hated it because along with these feelings came embarrassment. I had not spoken to anyone about it. I felt stupid but I also knew that the thought to talk to Josh did not come from me. So later that afternoon there was a semi-quiet moment and I told Josh about it. He told me that we should do our best to clear up past sins of course but that we need to look forward and let the past stay in the past. Ultimately I learned that feelings of doubt, inadequacy, fears about worthiness, and discouragement don't come from our Father in Heaven.

In taking a leap of faith and talking to Josh, fasting and praying, I was blessed to be freed from the chains of discouragement. The relief that I feel is amazing. I am light and free.

We all have different paths to that the Lord asks us to journey and Satan's joy is thwarting our path. Remember that the Lord speaks encouragement to our hearts. He will not "leave you comfortless". (John 14:18)

-Autumn