CHANGE

This semester has been hard. I haven't been doing well in school. It has been very strange for me because normally I am a fairly good student. School has usually come pretty easy for me. I study a bit and do all my assignment and get good grades. But this semester has not been so. I am a perfectionist. I hate doing bad in anything and I have to do my best if I don't, then I feel I have failed.

Last night I went to institute where Brad Wilcox spoke. I didn't know what he was going to be talking about but it was a huge blessing that I was able to go. Because as it turned out I felt like he was talking only to me. He spoke about changing weaknesses into strengths. He spoke about the scripture 2 Nephi 25:23. "It is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." He taught us that its impossible to do ALL we can do. We will never be able to get there. I have been trying to get there. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I of course never make it there and then Satan makes me feel like I am failing. Brother Wilcox also taught us that the "we" is not we as in you and I but "We" and in Christ and I. Emanuel - God With Us - Hand in hand he will lead us to Heaven.

I am going to change.
I am going to stop living my life in check marks.
I am going to ask myself why I do all the things I do.
I am going to do the things I do out of Love.
I am going to stop demanding so much of myself.
I am going to allow the Lord to make me into who He wants me to be.
I am going to humble myself and give my life to the Lord.
I am going to have Faith in his plan for Me.

This semester I have been trying to do it alone. I have been trying hard but I am getting no where by myself and I haven't been happy. I know that the only way to be happy is to involve the Lord in every aspect of our lives. Only the Atonement can change our hearts.
I am ready for change.

"Stop trying to impress the Lord with your sacrifices and instead allow
the Lord's sacrifice of his son to be more impressed upon you."
-Brad Wilcox

Born for Glory

Here is a powerful quote from Sister Dew that I wanted to share:

"You were born to lead, and in the words of Isaiah, you were born for glory." (Isaiah 62:2-3)

"Now the glorious but sobering truth is that, in spite of your aeons of premortal preparation, the days ahead will at times, "wrench your very heart strings," as the Prophet Joseph told the Twelve. If you've hoped to passively, comfortable live out your lives, let me burst that little bubble once and for all. Now, please, do not misunderstand me: This is a magnificent time to be live! It is a time, said President Spencer W. Kimball, when our influence 'can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times." The strongest runner wants to run the last leg of the relay.

But the last days are not for the faint of heart or the spiritually out of shape. There will be days when you feel defeated, exhausted, and plain old beat-up by life's whiplash. People you love will disappoint you- and you will disappoint them. You'll probably struggle with some kind of moral appetite. Some days it will feel as though the veil between heaven and earth is made of reinforced concrete. And you may even face a crisis of faith. In fact, you can count on trials that test your testimony and your faith.

Aren't you glad I came bearing such optimistic news? Actually, I am nothing if not optimistic about you, for everything about your lives is an indicator of our father's remarkable respect for you. He recommended you for now, when the stakes are so high. Now is the day when His kingdom is being established once and for all, never again to be taken from the earth. This is the last leg of the relay. This is when He needs His strongest runners."

I've been thinking of each of you, my sisters. Our "races" are all a little different with our own challenges, but I think if we remember that our lives are a proving time and that it's not supposed to be easy that can give us a better perspective.

Sister Dew goes on to say, "The simple fact is that our Father did not recommend Eve or moses or Nephi or countless other magnificent exemplars for this dispensation-He recommended you and me. Do you think God would have left the last days to chance by sending men and women He couldn't count on? A common theme of patriarchal blessings given to men and women your age is that you were sent now because our Father's most trustworthy children would be needed in the final, decisive battle for righteousness. That is who you are, and it is who you have always been."

Love you,
amber

Feeling Confidant Being Who I am!

"We have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives.
We have to decide what is important and then move along at a
pace that is comfortable for us.
We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove anything, but to be what we are.
With all of those decisions we have three responsibilities.
Have joy in your husband.
Have joy in your children.
Have joy in your home."
Marjorie Hinckley

I love this quote. I found it just recently as I realized that it is okay being me. I don't have to do things a certain way to impress someone else or feel accepted by them. I just have to figure out what is the most important to the Lord and our family and then do it.

"We would do well to slow down a little,
focus on the significant,
lift up our eyes and truly
see the things that matter most.

Strength comes not from frantic
activity, but from being settled on a
firm foundation of truth & light.

It comes from paying attention to
the divine things that matter most.

Diligently doing the things that matter
most will lead us to the Saviour of the
world." Elder Uchdorft

Elder Uchdroft gives us some steps where we can begin...
Slow down
Focus on the significant
Be settled on a firm foundation of truth & light
Pay attention to the divine
Diligently do the things that matter most!

Isn't that beautiful?

As we determine what the most important things are for ourselves & our families, we can move ahead in confidence, knowing that we can be free from proving to anyone else why we do what we do. It's okay if our lives all look a little bit different. It's better that way so we can learn & grow from each other. And so we can begin right this minute to slow down and live the moment we're in more fully & with greater JOY!

Take a deep breath to unwind & laugh more. I love you my sweet sisters. I miss you this week after spending two weeks together daily...

amber

"By the time it came to the edge of the Forest, the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run & jump & sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, "There is no hurry. We shall get there someday." But all the little streams higher up in the Forest went this way & that, quickly, eagerly, having so much to find out before it was too late." by A.A. Milne in The House At Pooh Corner

This just perfectly described how I've been feeling lately...like those little streams that are scurrying about unsure of themselves & where they are going. And so I am inspired by the grown-up stream who, "knew where it was going" and then slowed down & enjoyed getting there!!

I'm always trying to create this day that will run smoothly and weeks in which we'll get "it all done." But the other night, I realized that I don't remember a whole day in sequence of events. So am I trying in vain to create something that is of no value? We don't remember days, it is moments that we remember.

And so, in all of my planning & working & eagerness to "make it down out of the Forest" am I creating these moments that we can all cherish & remember?

Sister Beck asked these questions at BYU Women's Conference:

"Am I aligned with the Lord's vision of me & what He needs me to become & the roles & responsibilities He gave me in the heavens that are not negotiable?

Am I aligned with that or am I trying to escape my duties?

In putting all of these thoughts together, I've thought of a few things. It is important to me to plan my days & weeks. I think of my roles & responsibilities & my testimony, my husband & my children, my own dreams & education & growth & the care & upkeep of our home as I make these plans. But my goal has changed from creating the 'perfect day' to slowing down & doing less everyday so that we can create memories instead of speeding onto the next item to be checked off of a busy day's agenda.

Sister Beck also taught us "Mothers who know do less." I've had to decide what that means for me. It's a challenge in a busy world to slow down & believe the grown-up stream who says, "There is no hurry. We shall get there someday."

I guess we just have to know where we're trying to go.

amber

My Sweet Sisters

I just wanted to let you

all know that I love you.

I love that we can spend an afternoon together...

Lately it's been:

shopping,

chatting,

eating,

hanging around with all our boys, boys, boys & Brynn and Paige,

listening,

laughing,

breaking up fights,

hanging around holding down couches,

supporting lacrosse,

eating with Grandma,

going to Cub car races,

talking,

laughing,

planning great things,

saving the world from evil,

and chatting some more.

I love that we can

text each other funny things.

I love that we miss each other

after only a few days of

not seeing each other.

I love that after we've been

together I feel my life is good.

That doesn't mean we don't have

hard times,

or confusing times,

or sorrow.

I love that we can share it all.

I love that we can find support in each other.

Today, I went for a walk up at the ranch. I was all by myself and it was so peaceful. I had been thinking about how happy I am right now. I know hard times and things will come, but right now I feel pure happiness. The gospel is the only way to have complete joy. How lucky we are to be so close to a net work of people to love and to be loved by. And what a BEAUTIFUL place we have to live! I had also been thinking about my young women's lesson I had just heard. Sister Knapp talked about us being "born to be Queens". When we can see ourselves and others as God sees us it makes it so easy to truly LOVE.

Some Days

Some days are just crappy aren't they?

There are moments of every day that are difficult,

but other days it just seems the whole day is hard!

Woke up this morning feeling:

weary,

with cranky children,

a more cranky mom,

too much laundry,

too many tasks; all of which seemed important,

so many messes,

clutter piled high,

little hands all around needing help,

and no well out of which to help anyone.

Some days are just like that, but we press on...

We spent a lovely time in the warm, afternoon sun riding

bikes and scooters and soaking up the rays.

Supper was made and enjoyed by all.

A FHE lesson taught by Paige about the Prophet Joseph's first vision

and a reminder that we need to ask heaven for help.

Caleb asleep early,

dishwasher cleaning that pile of dirty dishes,

laundry nearly folded and hung up...

Paige just declared her room looks wonderful!

Things are looking up.

Some days are just hard.

Our days are full of "essential routine tasks" as Sister Beck calls them.

Looking back on the day, it seems silly

that these trivial things

would seem so hard.

Others' struggle with so much worse!!

And so, I'll close this difficult day with

remembering that

my blessings are bountiful...

&

reminding myself of

what Mr. Slinger says in Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse,

"Today was a difficult day.

Tomorrow will be better"

&

by taking a needed bubble bath.

Amber